Press Conference Notice to All Politicians

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL POLITICIANS for Monday, July 6, 2009: In anticipation of the 'round the clock coverage of Michael Jackson's funeral tomorrow and the toxicology report due to be released on Thursday, if you have (1) an affair you'd like to admit to, (2) an addiction you feel should be revealed, (3) federal or state taxes you have not paid, (4) a need to come out of the closet, (5) a DWI in your recent past, (6) a financial scam you've been a part of, or (7) a state or federal elected office from which you want to resign, please schedule your press conference by 10 p.m. today so that the national media will be able to give it the attention it deserves. Thank you for your cooperation, ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox News, CNN, and MSNBC P.S. - In your press conference, please be prepared to tell the media (a) how you felt when you learned that Michael Jackson had died and (b) how his death has personally affected your life. (I WISH I could claim authorship of this. And, I wish I was as funny as my friend who wrote it! Bravo, P.R.---muse)