I Want A Divorce From Warren Chisum

I've about had it with this guy. He won't quit bragging about his number two power ranking from Capitol Inside. Whatever. That is SO not a turn on. Someone make him stop telling every third person on the street, "I am the Chair of Appropriations!" No one cares about your office furniture, Warren. I knew I needed a good divorce attorney when he distributed that anti-science, anti-evolution, anti-Jew memo all around our House to our friends. I want a man of reason. A smart man. A handsome man. Ouch. The truth hurts. His latest cry for attention is the last straw. He got bored with spending our money and decided to become a marriage counselor to the entire state. Sweetie, you have to go to school for that! I don't think that is a career move that will help your power ranking. Instead of paying our bills, he sponsored a bill today that will allow couples who complete premarital education to not pay a marriage license fee. And, with his great scientific mind (see "memo" above), he has decided that these classes will reduce divorce. Because he says so. He actually said this to one of our housemates: Rep. Senfronia Thompson, D-Houston, fired this question at Chisum: "Why is it we have members of this House who have been divorced five or six times?" "Because they didn't have this course available to them," Chisum replied, unfazed. I'm not having it. I'm divorcing his ass and moving on. If I ever remarry, I'll pay the $60 license fee and skip his little class AND the early childhood development and parenting piece, as I am beyond childbearing age. The really good news? I don't have to visit Pampa ever again.